"There are good people everywhere"

I have moved a lot in my life. Some of the moves I don't even remember. The ones I do remember, I didn't appreciate so much at the time.  We were always moving, it seemed, because Dad went to school, finished school, got a new job, or ouf family just out-grew our house.  I really have never lived anywhere for more than about 5 years- even now.  Every time I would be upset about leaving friends Mom would always say to me, "There are good people everywhere."

My sweetheart and I are now at a place that I never thought we'd be. School is done, residency will be done in a year, and we can literally go anywhere for a job. We actually get to pick!!  Or we could just stay here in AZ, too.  The last couple weeks have been looking all over in the "West" for jobs hoping to find the right fit for us and somehow be closer to family.  What we are finding, though, is there are so many options. It is kind of overwhelming thinking that we might actually settle somewhere.  What does that mean?  Settle?!? Does such a thing exist?  It is a little scary to have that responsibility.

But I hold fast to that wisdom from Mom. Once again she is absolutely right.  There are good people everywhere.  I have met good, great, wonderful, fantastic people all over the world.  I have faith in people.  And I have faith that we'll be sent to the people that we need to be with.  I know the Lord will guide our family to the place we are supposed to be.  I dont' know that we'll settle there, but I do know that I am thankful that I don't have to be the One in charge of that. 

There ARE good people EVERYWHERE.  Thanks to all those people who have blessed me and made my life what it is. I will be eternally thankful.

Easter Traditions?

The best part of having your own small family (and not living very close to extended family) is deciding what traditions you want to carry on, leave behind, or start.

For Easter, growing up, I loved making Easter Bread (which comes from my grandma), making cream puffs with my mother, watching Easter Parade (starring Judy Garland and Fred Astaire), and watching Easter Dream. 

Since I have been married, some of these things haven't happened during the Easter season especially with small children. This year, I want to find some new traditions that are a little more kid friendly, and I want your ideas. I want to hear them all from egg hunts to talking about Christ's resurrection.

What are some of your favorite traditions for Easter?

They Lied to Me about Life- Life is What You Are

I got this article a long time ago in college, and I loved it, so I thought I would share.  It is by Jaroldeen Edwards and was printed in the LDS Church News, March 10, 1990.  Here's a link directly to the article.

"I'd like to share an experience I had that helped me understand the importance of my role as a mother. Right after my first novel was published I was interviewed by a large East Coast newspaper for a feature article. The reporters came to my home in Connecticut on a Saturday morning. They were two attractive and sophisticated New York women who had graduated from a prestigious Ivy League school. Both had achieved considerable success in journalism.The lead reporter was about 30, had been an editor of Seventeen magazine, had worked for several major publications, and was now a sought-after feature writer. She was dressed in the latest fashion and seemed the ultimately successful career woman.

I must confess that I was a little chagrined as the morning progressed. I was trying so hard to give the appearance of a professional writer, but every few minutes one of my children would pop into the living room with a problem or a question. My boys were playing a noisy game in the family room, the stereo was on in the basement play room, and the phone would not stop ringing. Neighborhood friends ran in and out the doors, and finally, my 5-year-old (who had had enough of having to "stay out of the living room") came bouncing in with a smile and plunked herself down on my lap.

We finished the interview, which had taken about two hours, and the reporters got up to leave. The younger one asked if she could use my phone. As she left, the cool and sophisticated senior reporter walked over and sat down on the couch next to me.

"There's something I want to tell you," she said intensely.

I looked at her in surprise. Very slowly, she said, "I just want you to know that we were sold a lie."

"What do you mean?" I asked, totally puzzled.

"I mean, when I went to college they lied to us," she replied. "They told us we were brilliant, and that we had the obligation to seek success. We were told not to throw our lives away on husbands and children, but to go out into the world and to succeed. We were told that only through a professional career could we `find ourselves' or live a worthwhile life.

"I just want you to know that this morning I have realized it was all a lie. I have come to know that a career is not a life - it is only something you do until you find a life. Life is what you are.

"I would like to tell you I would trade all my so-called worldly success for one day of living your life."

Although it may be necessary for mother to work out of the home, I have always been thankful that our mother was able to stay home.  It has made a huge difference in my life.  Love you MOM!

-Heather

Hypnobirthing

I have been studying about hypnobirthing. Angie has asked me to be her labor coach (doula) during her "birthing time." I am fascinated by the notion that you can actually anesthetize yourself using the power of your willl. It just takes the "mind over matter" principle to the max. I have studied the manuals and am learning the cues, words and other parts of the hypno birthing plan and have found them to be fascinating. I am excited to put it all together and help Angie have a wonderful birthing experience. If you know of anyone who has used this program, I would surely like to hear your thoughts, suggestions, helps, anyone???

My mom always told me that giving birth was like going to hell and back.

I have found just the opposite to be true. I have visited heaven and found those visits most sweet. Not all visits do you get to come home with a prize, but there is an element of sweetness in even with the pain, just being near heaven, the place of life.

And when Angie and I work to bring her new little one home, we will definitely be looking for angels.

-MOM

Scripture Journal

Here's something that Matt and I have been doing kind of hit-and-miss (thanks to his work schedule) over the last six months.  Our kids have really grown to love it, actually, and ask about it almost every Sunday. 

Since our oldest two are getting to be familiar with books of scripture and reading, we decided to study a gospel topic each week.  We pick a topic and head to the "Topical Guide".  We give each child an assignment to find a scripture about our topic in one of the books of scripture. We make sure we get one from each book.  We have them read it, we write it in our "Scripture Journal" and then we discuss what we learn from that scripture.  It has created a great environment to discuss the gospel doctrines. We don't spend much time, since attention spans are short around here.  Some silly recommendations for study have been offered too. We studied the "MOON" awhile back.  (We are pretty crazy about space around here :) ).  

We highly recommend it. It has become a great teaching tool and we hope it is a resource our children can use in the future to prepare talks and lessons.
-Heather

How Great Thou Art

Six weeks ago, we found out I was pregnant. We were thrilled, you see, because we had been planning on a baby for some time now.  As a matter of fact, last August, I had decided to make some changes in my life and really prepare myself for this baby.  I have had trouble with bad hips in past pregnancies and so I decided to make a real effort to exercise regularly to try and strengthen myself. I wanted to be ready to have another little one.  I exercised faithfully, six days a week from that time on, rarely missing.  This pregnancy was going to be different. I was feeling so good, and had made so much progress, that I decided to run a 5k- pregnant or not. I signed up for one that same week we found out we were expecting.  I was ready.

For some reason, though, during the next couple weeks, I began to doubt. I didn’t understand it, but I was unable to pray for our baby and its safe arrival in our family.  I began to bleed a little here and a little there, and resigned myself to the probability that we would miscarry and lose the baby.  And so in anticipation of the miscarriage, I decided to lie low for a couple weeks. I had one miserable day of cramping and headed to the doctor.  It was soon confirmed by an ultrasound- there was no baby in the uterus.  It was only a matter of time before I would lose the baby and bleed everything else out. 

I mourned.  I was upset to say the least, but understood that it was all part of the plan for us. I had experienced this before.  My prayers were now that my body would be able to take care of what it needed to take care of, so that we could try again.  And so I waited.

February 26^th I began to cramp again. Only this time the pain was so intense that I could not get rid of it.  I talked with Matt and we just didn’t know what to do. Finally, I called Mom.  She thought things sounded suspicious and recommended that if I had any question, just to go in to the ER.  And so within the hour Matt and I made the decision, and we were on our way.   We went through a series of tests and another ultrasound.  Within a short time I had another IV placed and monitors placed on my heart and lungs. By this time, I knew something was seriously wrong.  We were told that I was being prepared for surgery for a ruptured ectopic pregnancy.  At that time I had no idea what that exactly meant. My greatest fear was that it meant I was never going to have another child.  I was terrified and could only ask Matt to call our families and ask them to pray for me.  I was too shocked, and it hurt too much to cry.  Matt gave me a quick blessing and I was whisked away.

Upon waking from surgery, I learned that I had lost 1 ½ liters of blood into my abdomen from a ruptured pregnancy in my left fallopian tube.   In order to save me, they had to remove my fallopian tube.  But my life was spared. 

It is hard to describe what has happened in my mind and heart the last three weeks.  The mourning process has been much more difficult than I thought it would be.  For weeks, I could not even really cry because of the pain.  In the moments when I was alone, or when just Matt was there, my thoughts would turn to everything I had lost, and my heart broke. But I just kept telling myself to be tough, just hang in there, and I’d be ok.  Mom and Sam, and the Rachel and Dorian were so helpful the first week of recovery.  I felt so much strength from the prayers of the family, even though some of you are so far away.  Recovery was slow, but it was coming.  When I was finally able to have a good cry, I felt so much an increase of the love of my Father in Heaven.   Little by little I began to see with new eyes. I am healing a little at a time, and the spirit is strengthening my heart.  I still feel like I lost so much that day.  I lost my health and strength that I had worked so very hard to gain over the last six months, I lost a baby, and I lost part of myself.  I still have moments when I think about it and weep. My heart still breaks.  But I was given LIFE that day.  I was spared.  I now cry in gratitude.

This week we decided on a change of scenery and took a trip to Southern California to stay with Matt’s brother.  I sang my babies to sleep one night, and as I was going through a whole bunch of our favorite primary songs and hymns my very favorite came to mind- “How Great Thou Art”.  I have sung this to my children and my sisters more times than I can count.  (My sisters lovingly call it the “fall off the mountain song”)  It always reminds me of my loving Great-grandma Evans.  But as I sung this to my little ones this week, I felt like everything came into focus.  As I looked at my precious children, I had an overwhelming love and understanding wash over me.  I was reminded once again that HE, our Heavenly Father is in charge.  He knows exactly what we need to pass through.  He loves us more than we can understand.  His greatest “Art” is us- who we are becoming.  He gave me a second chance at life.  Life, that is so full of so much joy.   Life that is full of sticky fingers, slobbery kisses, noisy dinner tables, and sweet bedtime prayers. Life that is full of families that love each other enough to pray, fast, and spend time together.  Life is his greatest art and so I hope that I can proclaim “How Great Thou Art” for the rest of my days and bring honor to HIM who has given me everything.

Thank you dear family for everything!

-Heather

Family Home Evening: Love One Another in the home

One of my most memorable Family Home Evenings as a child was the time my mother made a crown...

She started by reading about King Benjamin - how he treated people right and desired the best for everyone. King Benjamin spoke to parents about taking care of their children, not letting them quarrel or fight. We talked about why it's not good to quarrel and fight as a family, and what we can do in our lives to be peacemakers at home.  We then discussed how sometimes we treat our friends better than our family, but how important our family members are to us.  Mom asked us "how we would treat a king, like King Benjamin?"  She then asked, "how should we treat each other?"

We then took turns wearing the crown. When it was our turn to wear the crown, all the other family members would go around saying something they loved about that person. It could be something about their outward appearance or personality trait, a thank you for doing something for them, or whatever you could think of. I can still remember the feelings I had that night, the spirit was so strong. Most of us ended up in tears. It was a great learning and growing experience with our family. It really brought family unity and really helped some people open up and share their feelings that otherwise might not have been expressed. 

As I grew up those thoughts would come back to me many times when I would have a disagreement with one of my siblings, and I would remember that night. It is a really simple lesson, but had a lasting impression on me.

Now, I'm waiting for the right time now to use this idea with my own family. I want it to have a lasting impression, but feel my children are too young right now. What do you think is the best age so it will really sink in?

-Megan

It's a Small World

I cancelled Dish and went to Netflix because football season was over and we hardly ever watch TV anymore.  Besides, daily news is quite depressing.  I read the paper, but a photo or two doesn't tell much of a story. Last night I pulled up a few videos on youtube of the tsunami.  I watched with horror and awe the power of Mother Nature sweeping the earth, and it reminded me very keenly of my own nothingness.  I watched as a vehicle sped down a street, the wave behind, only to see it stop in the middle of the road, as the wave came crashing in front of them with nowhere to go. Haunting visions.  
And those that are left?  No homes, no food, no family, no job, possibly radiation damage, and the formidable task of putting it all back together. Where would you even begin?  How do you not lose hope and wish that you were taken as well?  I find myself wondering about my preparations.  I have some food stored, a safe place to go, a basement in case there's a tornado, stuff like that.  
But none of these will matter at all if I am the one "swept away".  Am I ready to meet my Maker?  What have I become?  Do I possess that charity I should?  Sadly, no.  My hope is that I will have many more years to work to soften my heart, put off my 'natural man" and be prepared to meet my Savior.  Today's a good day to start anew.  I have wanted to send a few notes and make a few phone calls. Maybe even before I finish the dishes, because once I start on that,  the rest of the day is TOAST!  Have a great day.  I love you all!  Thanks, little Kate for calling me yesterday.  I love you, too!
- Mom

25 Principles for the Family

By:  Elder Daniel Jones

1.     Assist sons and daughter is Eagle scout, Duty to God, and Young Womanhood Recognition

2.     Eat at least one meal together each day

3.     Kneel together in the morning and evening as a family, call down a shield of protection

4.      Teach them the importance of (graduating from) seminary and institute

5.      Help your children save for missions and post-high school education (minimum of 1/3)

6.      Study, teach, know and review often the Family, A Proclamation

7.      Teach thrift and how to avoid unnecessary debt

-   Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without

8.      Attend church together and sit toward the front

9.      Hold meaningful family home evenings every Monday night

10.  Teach the plan of salvation and especially emphasize the saving ordinances of the gospel

11.  One hour of companionship time and relationship enhancement daily

12.  Arrange schedules for at least one parent to spend dedicated time with one child each week  

13.  Don’t give allowances, give work opportunities and pay them for work well done, and teach them to budget

14.   Search the scriptures daily, individually and as a family

15.  Have a picture of the temple prominently and teach of the blessings

16.  Fill your home with worthy literature and music

17.  Strictly monitor TV and internet for the family and yourself

18.  Arrive ten minutes early to church for meditation

19.  Obtain, Study and reflect regularly your patriarchal blessing

20.  Teach your children their individual worth comes from who they are and not what they have

21.  Correction should be timely, firm, consistent and while you are in self control

22.  Make your home a place where there is peace, understanding, security, love, and quiet communication (Satan is extremely organized.  It is not a little here and there, it is everywhere and he and his angel’s know exactly how to get what they want)

23.  Follow strictly all the words of the prophet (He first wanted Joseph Smith, then it was the Book of Mormon, but now all of Satan’s work has been directed towards the family)

-      A father protects his family with his time

24.  Be prepared for temporal emergencies and get the “all is safely gathered in” pamphlet

25.  Teach your children to enjoy hard work

Growing Pains

Originally posted November 3, 2008 here


One week ago, I was pregnant.  It wasn't really a surprise.  The pregnancy test only confirmed what my husband and I had already known for almost three weeks; without ever actually discussing it, Slice and I had both mentioned our suspicions to other people.  
A week ago I was scared and excited; my husband was ecstatic.  I wanted to wait a while before telling people, but didn't have a real reason.  Just a feeling.  So we laughed and planned, and began announcing the pregnancy to family members. 

Two days ago, I wasn't pregnant anymore.  Once again, somehow, it wasn't a surprise.  My husband and I knew - before any confirmation – that the baby I carried was gone.  I didn't want to believe it.
We talked about the origin of life, the miracle we had witnessed in only a month's time.  We learned firsthand of something that we had only read or heard discussed before.  I gained a powerful witness of the connection between Heaven and Earth, the spirits we parents are entrusted with for only a short time.

And I wept.

Three lifetimes ago, I thought I knew a lot about pregnancy, life, mothering.  After all, I'm the fifth of twelve children.  My mother is a fountain of knowledge and love and wisdom.  (Dad too.)  I've done plenty of my own studying as well: Women's History classes, classes on the history of The Family, demographic studies, research papers, personal accounts.  I thought I knew.

But nothing I read, or saw, or knew could have prepared me for that.  After the thinking and the talking came the pain.  THE PAIN.  My poor husband held me as I writhed in bed and cried, bled and cried some more.  I was falling apart.

After only a few weeks of carrying a baby, I felt loss more keenly than I have ever felt it.  Everything else I had experienced—childhood struggles, teenage inferiority complex, high school relationship drama, college 'education'—seemed insignificant.  I had written three journal entries to that baby already…and I had lost a life.

Now I can see how I was gently rehearsed in the art of miscarriage.  I was reading essays only the day before on other women's experiences with it.  My lovely sister went through the same thing just months ago, and my mother did five times.
Deep down I knew that the timing wasn't right; I wasn't ready.  Maybe I needed the experience to convince myself of that, and to be okay with it.

I am okay with it.

There's one more important thing I've learned about the difference between sympathy and empathy.  One person feels bad for you, the other has been there before.  That other person knows what to say, how to comfort you—how to succor you.  There is nothing more beautiful than this succoring…nothing in this world.
-Rachel

An Introduction

Why do I have a big family?  

Big families are “created” in lots of different ways.  Some are created from a “yours, mine and ours” situation.  Some big families are a result of cultural influences, positive or negative in my view.  One family I know had 4 children of their own and were “willed” her sister’s 6 children after a car accident took her sister’s life in another state.  Some are created one child at a time, some “grow” faster than that.  Many people decide how many is good in reference to their religious beliefs, or because of pressure from their husbands.  In a time that having big families is not too popular, I would like to share my reasons why I CHOSE to have a big family.   I was raised in a family of six children, not too uncommon for my parents’ generation.  I knew my husband in Junior High and he also came from a big family.  People just assumed I would follow suit. 

Those people don’t know me very well.  I have never been a fan of being told what to do. 

When I first married, I thought I would experiment with the “motherhood” thing.  I was a full-time college student and pregnancy was somewhat difficult for me.  I got  sick, not terribly, but as the baby grew, it had a habit of sitting right on the vein that carried blood to my head and I was prone to stumbling/fainting spells.  This doesn’t work so well when you are trying to student teach a rowdy bunch of 6^thgraders.  I eventually had to get permission from the School of Education to quit my student teaching two weeks early under doctor’s orders.  Labor and delivery came and after our beautiful daughter was born, I remember sitting in the hospital bed thinking to myself, “I will NEVER do that again!”  Epidurals weren’t really popular back then. 

All difficulty forgotten, I ended up pregnant a short time later.  My friends and family thought I wasn’t “planning” my children, but they didn’t know me very well.  I was raised in a home where my older sister was 4 years my senior and my younger sister was 5 years away.  I never got to go to school with them, go to parties with them, hang out with the same friends, etc.  My husband’s family was not that way.  Most of his siblings were 18-24 months apart and they double dated, they went to high school functions, helped each other with homework, they had ice cream parties, and were never lonely!  They had so much more fun growing up than I did (with their family) and I thought that was so cool!  Having your siblings be your best friends, too??? How convenient!   It was a great plan, and one I decided I wanted to experiment with for my children.  I was determined to provide a fabulous “growing up” for them.

I couldn’t have imagined the delightful experience it was raising 2 little ones together.  They loved each other, played together, chased each other around and I found that there was plenty of me to go around, because I was not the sole entertainer.  We kept each other company when dad had to travel, and the experiment was working nicely.  So I thought to myself, let’s do this again.  What a great time we’re having! 

Time went on and we invited more children into our home.  I had lots and lots of work to do.  But I love work.  Ask my children.  Sure, you get tired and discouraged and cranky sometimes, but to have your own little “colony” of children to work with, play with, teach and re-teach, do crafts with, share with others, and be entertained by, brought a richness into our home that was not there when we only had two.  The experiment had brought me some surprising results.  We had such a good time at our house that other children in the neighborhood always wanted to hang out at OUR place because they had a friend and something to do when they came over.  I had no problem giving them jobs too, because I love work, and figure that everybody should learn to love it.  We’d let them help in the garden, tearing out trees, organizing a closet, etc.  They loved our home because of all the busy-ness and the love and respect our children showed to each other.  They liked the hot tub, too!

Years passed and our family seemed to be working so well that we decided maybe we should share with someone else who hadn’t been blessed with a family.  We made a trip to Russia and brought home the most adorable little six year old by the name of Alexei Popov, a little boy raised in an orphanage from day one.  Our idea was that if you brought an under-privileged child into your home that he will feel all the love around him and blossom in that sweet, new environment.  We also thought he would be grateful to us for doing that for him.  We were dead wrong on both accounts!  Well, we have since learned that adoption doesn’t really work that way.  It’s  tougher than we thought.  Then it got a little tougher when 6 months later another little Russian boy, Vasily Krosovsky joined our family after his original U.S. adoption didn’t go so well and his adoptive parents called us and asked:  “Do you want him”?  I call that year my year from hell.  And I don’t use the “h” word very often.  This time the experiment took a lot more work and time to show the desired results than any of us had anticipated. 

But the good results did come.  Time and work and love are great blessings in all our lives.  Through the use of them all, we were able to pull our family together again and build good relationships, starting from square one.  We have some wonderful memories of those times together. 

The real test of my hypothesis would come, I figured, when my children started to leave home.  I always questioned whether they really felt the same way about our “fabulous family” as I did.  Did they feel stifled in the environment we provided?  Did we overwork them?  Did they have as much fun as I did?  What would they tell their friends?  What would they do when they married?  Would they even like each other enough to continue their relationships into adulthood?  I am happy to report that all the gathered evidence points to the fact that they are still best friends AND given the chance to go out to dinner with their sister and her husband or friends, they seem to choose the sister over the friend. 

Our children seem to be well on the road to happy adulthood.  They are educated well, have had opportunities to play sports, learn an instrument and have all learned how to milk a cow or plant a garden or build a room in the basement.  For the most part, they can live frugally and have managed college degrees with a very small investment on our part.  They know how to get and maintain jobs and how to be proud of themselves for doing that.  They have traveled the world, are very generous with others and seem to be planning some pretty amazing futures. 

The experiment of having a close, big family has turned out very well for us.  It has taken a lot of sacrifice on our part as you all know , a lot of putting aside our own wants or desires and living for our children, through thick and thin and sickness and health.  It has taken a lot of re-grouping, because we all think we have it figured out and the best thing we can do for ourselves is to admit that we haven’t and try something new.  We joke about having “miles to go before we sleep” because our youngest is only ten and we’re only halfway done raising  him, but we have all the help of his older siblings.  When he was a newborn baby and jaundiced and dealing with some other health issues I was so weary some nights.  I will forever be grateful to my oldest children who offered to get up with him during the night during their high school years to give me a little rest.  I love my children so much.  They are the sweetest part of my life.   

We have learned so many things through the years about parenting, teaching, feeding large crowds, entertaining, birthday parties, organizing and simplifying.  I am honored that my daughters want me to share some of the things we’ve learned together.  We know that the road seems long sometimes.  Our prayer is that maybe we can offer some insights that might  help you along your journey because we believe that families are forever and if you’re not finding much fun in the journey, then forever could be a very long time. 

We will share our thoughts about having children, feeding them all, family activities, adoption, surviving miscarriage, traveling with children, parties and how to make it fun while living frugally, all from different viewpoints.  We’ll share some of our funniest memories, some of our biggest mistakes and how to simplify, simplify, simplify.  We’ll discuss how to develop YOUR talents and how to feel like you’re still a person in the midst of it all.  Because “if mom aint’ happy, then nobody’s happy!”  I look forward to hearing my sons and daughters’ takes on different topics. 

But last and first, I need to thank my husband of nearly 31 years for his telling me that  “whatever you want to do with your life, do it!”.  He has loved me and supported me in every endeavor, has gotten up nights with the babies and changed diapers galore.  He has brought home the bacon AND fried it up in a pan for me.  He has helped create wonderful traditions, Saturday morning pancakes being one of the best,  that our children yearn for even when they’re clear around the world.  He’s dried my tears, bought me flowers and bubble bath and he is the BEST part of my life.  I love you, sweetheart!
-Mom