Why do I have a big family?
Big families are “created” in lots of different ways. Some are created from a “yours, mine and ours” situation. Some big families are a result of cultural influences, positive or negative in my view. One family I know had 4 children of their own and were “willed” her sister’s 6 children after a car accident took her sister’s life in another state. Some are created one child at a time, some “grow” faster than that. Many people decide how many is good in reference to their religious beliefs, or because of pressure from their husbands. In a time that having big families is not too popular, I would like to share my reasons why I CHOSE to have a big family. I was raised in a family of six children, not too uncommon for my parents’ generation. I knew my husband in Junior High and he also came from a big family. People just assumed I would follow suit.
Big families are “created” in lots of different ways. Some are created from a “yours, mine and ours” situation. Some big families are a result of cultural influences, positive or negative in my view. One family I know had 4 children of their own and were “willed” her sister’s 6 children after a car accident took her sister’s life in another state. Some are created one child at a time, some “grow” faster than that. Many people decide how many is good in reference to their religious beliefs, or because of pressure from their husbands. In a time that having big families is not too popular, I would like to share my reasons why I CHOSE to have a big family. I was raised in a family of six children, not too uncommon for my parents’ generation. I knew my husband in Junior High and he also came from a big family. People just assumed I would follow suit.
Those people don’t know me very well. I have never been a fan of being told what to do.
When I first married, I thought I would experiment with the “motherhood” thing. I was a full-time college student and pregnancy was somewhat difficult for me. I got sick, not terribly, but as the baby grew, it had a habit of sitting right on the vein that carried blood to my head and I was prone to stumbling/fainting spells. This doesn’t work so well when you are trying to student teach a rowdy bunch of 6thgraders. I eventually had to get permission from the School of Education to quit my student teaching two weeks early under doctor’s orders. Labor and delivery came and after our beautiful daughter was born, I remember sitting in the hospital bed thinking to myself, “I will NEVER do that again!” Epidurals weren’t really popular back then.
All difficulty forgotten, I ended up pregnant a short time later. My friends and family thought I wasn’t “planning” my children, but they didn’t know me very well. I was raised in a home where my older sister was 4 years my senior and my younger sister was 5 years away. I never got to go to school with them, go to parties with them, hang out with the same friends, etc. My husband’s family was not that way. Most of his siblings were 18-24 months apart and they double dated, they went to high school functions, helped each other with homework, they had ice cream parties, and were never lonely! They had so much more fun growing up than I did (with their family) and I thought that was so cool! Having your siblings be your best friends, too??? How convenient! It was a great plan, and one I decided I wanted to experiment with for my children. I was determined to provide a fabulous “growing up” for them.
I couldn’t have imagined the delightful experience it was raising 2 little ones together. They loved each other, played together, chased each other around and I found that there was plenty of me to go around, because I was not the sole entertainer. We kept each other company when dad had to travel, and the experiment was working nicely. So I thought to myself, let’s do this again. What a great time we’re having!
Time went on and we invited more children into our home. I had lots and lots of work to do. But I love work. Ask my children. Sure, you get tired and discouraged and cranky sometimes, but to have your own little “colony” of children to work with, play with, teach and re-teach, do crafts with, share with others, and be entertained by, brought a richness into our home that was not there when we only had two. The experiment had brought me some surprising results. We had such a good time at our house that other children in the neighborhood always wanted to hang out at OUR place because they had a friend and something to do when they came over. I had no problem giving them jobs too, because I love work, and figure that everybody should learn to love it. We’d let them help in the garden, tearing out trees, organizing a closet, etc. They loved our home because of all the busy-ness and the love and respect our children showed to each other. They liked the hot tub, too!
Years passed and our family seemed to be working so well that we decided maybe we should share with someone else who hadn’t been blessed with a family. We made a trip to Russia and brought home the most adorable little six year old by the name of Alexei Popov, a little boy raised in an orphanage from day one. Our idea was that if you brought an under-privileged child into your home that he will feel all the love around him and blossom in that sweet, new environment. We also thought he would be grateful to us for doing that for him. We were dead wrong on both accounts! Well, we have since learned that adoption doesn’t really work that way. It’s tougher than we thought. Then it got a little tougher when 6 months later another little Russian boy, Vasily Krosovsky joined our family after his original U.S. adoption didn’t go so well and his adoptive parents called us and asked: “Do you want him”? I call that year my year from hell. And I don’t use the “h” word very often. This time the experiment took a lot more work and time to show the desired results than any of us had anticipated.
But the good results did come. Time and work and love are great blessings in all our lives. Through the use of them all, we were able to pull our family together again and build good relationships, starting from square one. We have some wonderful memories of those times together.
The real test of my hypothesis would come, I figured, when my children started to leave home. I always questioned whether they really felt the same way about our “fabulous family” as I did. Did they feel stifled in the environment we provided? Did we overwork them? Did they have as much fun as I did? What would they tell their friends? What would they do when they married? Would they even like each other enough to continue their relationships into adulthood? I am happy to report that all the gathered evidence points to the fact that they are still best friends AND given the chance to go out to dinner with their sister and her husband or friends, they seem to choose the sister over the friend.
Our children seem to be well on the road to happy adulthood. They are educated well, have had opportunities to play sports, learn an instrument and have all learned how to milk a cow or plant a garden or build a room in the basement. For the most part, they can live frugally and have managed college degrees with a very small investment on our part. They know how to get and maintain jobs and how to be proud of themselves for doing that. They have traveled the world, are very generous with others and seem to be planning some pretty amazing futures.
The experiment of having a close, big family has turned out very well for us. It has taken a lot of sacrifice on our part as you all know , a lot of putting aside our own wants or desires and living for our children, through thick and thin and sickness and health. It has taken a lot of re-grouping, because we all think we have it figured out and the best thing we can do for ourselves is to admit that we haven’t and try something new. We joke about having “miles to go before we sleep” because our youngest is only ten and we’re only halfway done raising him, but we have all the help of his older siblings. When he was a newborn baby and jaundiced and dealing with some other health issues I was so weary some nights. I will forever be grateful to my oldest children who offered to get up with him during the night during their high school years to give me a little rest. I love my children so much. They are the sweetest part of my life.
We have learned so many things through the years about parenting, teaching, feeding large crowds, entertaining, birthday parties, organizing and simplifying. I am honored that my daughters want me to share some of the things we’ve learned together. We know that the road seems long sometimes. Our prayer is that maybe we can offer some insights that might help you along your journey because we believe that families are forever and if you’re not finding much fun in the journey, then forever could be a very long time.
We will share our thoughts about having children, feeding them all, family activities, adoption, surviving miscarriage, traveling with children, parties and how to make it fun while living frugally, all from different viewpoints. We’ll share some of our funniest memories, some of our biggest mistakes and how to simplify, simplify, simplify. We’ll discuss how to develop YOUR talents and how to feel like you’re still a person in the midst of it all. Because “if mom aint’ happy, then nobody’s happy!” I look forward to hearing my sons and daughters’ takes on different topics.
But last and first, I need to thank my husband of nearly 31 years for his telling me that “whatever you want to do with your life, do it!”. He has loved me and supported me in every endeavor, has gotten up nights with the babies and changed diapers galore. He has brought home the bacon AND fried it up in a pan for me. He has helped create wonderful traditions, Saturday morning pancakes being one of the best, that our children yearn for even when they’re clear around the world. He’s dried my tears, bought me flowers and bubble bath and he is the BEST part of my life. I love you, sweetheart!
-Mom
-Mom
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