Should we have More?

This morning I had a great visit with a dear friend. She just gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl. This is her second beautiful girl, and her older one has just turned two. When I asked how she was doing, the first words out of her mouth were, “I hate nursing.” She explained that to her it is the worst time of the day because her older child takes advantage of Mommy’s down time and runs wild. Even deeper than the feelings of sheer irritation at her two-year-old, though, was the sadness she expressed. This sadness comes because she doesn’t feel like she can provide her older child with the same attention and guidance that she used to. Everything is out of control in their lives right now.  Boy could I relate!

This scenario has played out time and time again probably in every family with more than one child. Somehow, though, the struggle for the Mom never gets easier. Looking back to my own experience, I remember having an inner conversation with my oldest just weeks before his sister arrived.   He was only 18 months old, and I still remember the sadness that came over me as I watched him play. I said to myself, “This is it. No more one-on-one time with him. He and I are never going to be as good of friends. We will never have time that is just ours anymore. We will never be this close. You are just going to have to suffer, because Mom will never be able to give you the attention that you once had.” It was awful!

So I have thought all day about what advice I would give my friend. When I was there, I told her not to worry, that things will get better. Older baby will begin to settle down, and feeding will get easier for little baby. I told her she is doing a great job.

As I have thought more about it, though, I am afraid there little comfort to give when dealing with feelings of inadequacy. I think that is one of the greatest trials of motherhood- feeling like you give enough attention to your children. I have learned that there is no such thing as EQUAL attention. There never will be. It is a hard pill to swallow. So is the answer to have only one child? I believe NO.  Sure the adjustment is difficult. There is no “easy” stage.  But when I look back to each decision to spread myself a little thinner, I remember all the times my children have spent together. They love each other, and where I may lack in my attention to them- they have made it up to each other in very sweet ways.  It was the same growing up. I cherish the relationship I have with each of my siblings. Never, have I wanted for the love that I needed at home.
I have decided that the best thing to tell myself over and over is - just give it your best shot! That is all you can do. You will always wonder if it is enough, but if you have done your best, that is all God requires of us. And it will be good enough.   What advice would you give?
-Heather